yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
