How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
