Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
