i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
