And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
