You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
