I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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