Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
