you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
