I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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