im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
