I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
