just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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