i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
