I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
