NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
