As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
