honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
