im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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