yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
