just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
