It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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