She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
