We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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