$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
