I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed đ
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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