I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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