You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
