u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My penis needs a shock collar
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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