Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
