tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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