Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
