i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
