why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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