Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
