i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
