dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize