adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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