In the future we'll all be gay
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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