Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
