Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
