My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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