there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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