I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
