fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
