nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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