If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
