I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have aggressive nipples.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
