Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
