I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
