If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
