Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
