I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
