so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
