What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
