Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
