I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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