So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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