His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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