This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
