this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize