Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
