I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
