my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize