I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
