Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Green mimosas i think yes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
