I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
