you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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