stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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