The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
