Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
two words...techno handjob
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A+ Viking dick
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
