Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize