I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
