She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
