Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
