I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
