Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
