a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
