oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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