I want to stick my p in your. b.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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