You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I enjoy the company of your penis
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize