At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
