i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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