i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
