Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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