Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
the raccoons are back...
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