Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm both gender and math confused
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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