You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
