I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
