Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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