saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
