Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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