How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize