My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
