Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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