and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
