The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
