my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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