11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
