I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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