covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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