I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
