You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
