i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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