I just made out with a guy for $7.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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