what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
