I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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