Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
