Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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