and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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