On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
